Btw, literally 90% of my interneting is reading hate sites. The other 10% is like googling all the random maladies I have to figure out if I’m dying. What are your fave hate sites? I think the sophisticated word for it is “snark” instead of hate but let’s all get real about what we’re doing here.
How done I am with today:
- Didn’t do my hair AT ALLLL or put on any makeup that’s beyond the “8th grader struggling to understand how to work mascara” look
- Wore yoga pants with the waistband pulled up over my stomach like they were maternity pants
- Wore rainboots even though it was 50 degrees and sunny
- A 7 year old said “shit” in front of me and I was like “eh”
- I’m eating a smoothie right now because I only blended 1/4 of it. 1/4 of it is a blended smoothie and the rest is just mildly chopped or whole frozen berries. Fucking whatever. I put it in a cup anyway.
- I did nail art on one nail and I’m not cleaning my apartment and I’m not even finishing this post
The people at my McDonald’s 300% think I’m a drug addict. I’m always wearing something like my brother’s sweatpants tucked into Ugg boots and an Elton John in Vegas t shirt and I’m never, ever wearing makeup so I always have purple undereyes. Plus, I only come in between 12 - 6 AM because that’s when the menu is the best.
Maybe I am on drugs. I drank a Red Bull around noon and I’m wide awake. So, you tell me.
I don’t worry if it’s appropriate to go into my apartment building’s lobby in my pajamas. I worry if it’s appropriate to go into my apartment building’s lobby in a towel and a Turbie Twist.
I would probably fuck Ders from Workaholics more than once. Not the actor, the character. I would probably send him nudes he totally didn’t deserve and regret it afterwards. But then I would do it again.
This is the thing I hate most about myself.
- Everything that’s going on in Ukraine
- How my boyfriend called it “the Ukraine” three times in two days
- Everything that’s going on with Jersey in the news
- How someone on the Daily Show pronounced “Hoboken”
- That my Ikea dresser I bought in late 2008 seems to be broken beyond repair
- That I wasn’t really feeling my Chipotle burrito
- That my boyfriend said ombre hair would make me look “too Jersey” and I asked what that meant and he said that I’m more stylish than that and I asked if he was saying New Jersey isn’t stylish or something and he said no but traditionally New Jersey styles look cheap and I asked if he was confused because New Jersey is one of the most obscenely wealthy states in the union with astronomical tax brackets and he said I was just looking for something to fight about with means “you’re right”
- The way that one woman with the stupid haircut says “brain” in a Hulu commercial and how they never show that PS4 commercial instead that has that objectively hot guy
Things An Elementary School Child Complained About Today, To Me
- I told him he wasn’t allowed to slide down a metal slide on the playground on his sled while standing up.
- That’s it.
You know I consider you a friend if I ever say the following to you
- "Do you need me to yell at them for you?"
- "Send me a picture of them so I can make fun of them for you."